I am now happy I was too young to understand the turmoil in the home, the reason my mother
left my father. I was three. As information relayed to me by my older siblings about
the not-so-nice-things my parents battled, I accepted why my parents had to
separate. They were parents whose union had malfunctioned in detrimental ways. Breaking up was probably inevitable or necessary.
My mother,
who became a single parent, did not spew venom at my father after the breakup. She
gave her children the dignity to hold on to the best from a union that produced
six children. Her silence taught us to respect both. Our parents. And, irrespective
of an open invitation to be a father, my father stayed away. Maybe he was hurt
after the separation. Maybe he was ashamed of his life. Maybe alcohol had
devoured his knowledge of fatherhood. Maybe he was wounded from his own childhood
or adult life.
For whatever
the reason—rage, insecurity, jealousy, hate, ignorance, new hurt—it is
sometimes complicated, but many parents and children hold on to past hurt. As I
grew older, I held no grudge against either parent for separating. After all, they were not
perfect. Now, with my own child, I am not a perfect parent, either. I had imposed on my child a broken home, too. And, though it
is easy “to preach than to practice,” as people say, I try to let go of past hurt and I teach
my son to let go, too. What about you? Are
you a parent or child who has been hurt in the home? Do you hold on to your
hurt or pain? How do you heal?
