Strong Enough to Live His Truth

It didn’t cross my mind. There was no pattern—if there should have been one. No, I had no idea. I thought puberty created the feelings of frustration, anxiety, and moodiness I had never seen.

As the body developed—bigger breasts—the shirts got bigger, and wider hips bought on discomfort that triggered the need to wear baggy pants. I used to wear baggy pants around that age, so I thought it was a tomboy thing.

Menstruation came with more anxiety. Then, with no particular style in mind, the long hair had to go.

One day, he said, “I don’t want to be a girl.”  

“OK.” I paused. “So… like… you don’t want your breasts.”

“Yes.”

“I need some time to process this,” I said.

I felt his pain, his frustration and the relief I could see in his eyes after he told me. I had to help him get through this. We went to therapy and everything made sense. I’m thankful that life had me in a place where I could receive the information and address it. I cared about his well-being, his happiness.

I’m more aware of what could have happened if he didn’t tell me. Now, younger than the majority of his peers, he’s now in his first year, in university, in another country, and he’s receiving mainly A grades. ​He’s receiving testosterone hormone therapy to match his body to his gender identity.

 ​

I don’t want to come across as a saint, but I’m coping fine. My biggest regret is not being physically there with him, but I might have stifled him if I were there.

I don't necessarily mourn the loss of my daughter. This is more about acceptance. I accept him. I'm happy that I have a child who is strong enough to live his truth.
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(Interview conducted with the parent of a transgender child).

To learn more about this topic, click on the following links.

Kids Health 

http://kidshealth.org/parent/general/-

Mental Health Problems Plague Transgender Kids - Mental Health Problems Plague 

http://www.livescience.com/16110-transgender-teen-mental-health.html

  

Mother comes to terms with her transgender child - https://hereandnow.wbur.org/2015/03/16/trans-son-letter  

Not a Lab Error by Rosena Joseph

While most babies learn to support their necks in a short time, six-month-old Jordy’s neck folded and his chin flapped on his chest for support. I had mentioned the problem to the doctor each time I took Jordy for a medical check-up. The last visit the doctor blurted, “That could be a symptom of Down syndrome. I will submit a requisition to get some tests done.” I took Jordy to get the tests, but I brushed off the idea of Down syndrome because no one in my family had it.

The Friday, just before Easter, the phone rang. I picked it up.

“Is this Rosena?”

“Yes,” I said.

“I got the result. Your son tested positive for Trisomy 21.” 

“What!”

                                                

I collapsed in the chair. The doctor hung up the phone. Tears welled and flowed incessantly. Moments later, millions of questions flooded my mind. What will I do? How will I care for Jordy? This is unchartered territory for me. My heart flipped-flopped from love to anger. In the crevices of my mind, fear and fury collided. Someone made an error in the lab.

After the shock, I told my partner. We had three daughters. He was happy with Jordy’s birth because he now had a son. However, Jordy was not the son he wanted. After I told him Jordy had Down syndrome, he abandoned the family.

Other than a minor speech impediment, Jordy is smart and funny, loving and kind, athletic and authentic. He is musically inclined, an instrument of joy as he beat-boxes, sings and dances to the latest tune. Jordy shows and gives me love. He is a gift. A loving force so fitting for this universe.

Jordy, my son, is not a lab error.

Written by Rosena Joseph

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Down syndrome day was Saturday, March 21, 2015

To learn more about Down syndrome you can visit the National 

Down Syndrome Society  - http://www.ndss.org/

Here is an article where the mother is accused of abandoing her Down syndrome baby.

Meet Rosena Joseph. She makes her debut on Day Laughs Night Cries (DLNC) with her inspiring and touching story "Not a Lab Error." She is also a member of the DLNC team. See her bio here or to learn more about her and see her marathon costumes, click here.                                                                                                                                           

Everything Stopped

“He moved in with her. She stayed home, cooked and washed for him while he went to work. Then she got pregnant. He asked her to have an abortion because his work assignment was almost over and he had to move back to where he lived before. Mama said she would keep me and my father gave her two names: one for a boy and one for a girl.

"I got the girl’s name. Mama said he sent her letters and money for a few months after I was born. Then everything stopped. Mama kept sending letters but there was no reply. When I was eighteen, she gave me the letters he wrote, a faded light blue boxers and an undershirt that had changed from white to brown. There was no picture of him. When I asked her what he looked like, she said my image of my face is the image of his face.

"After having my own family, I was curious to know my father. My husband and I found his address in Maryland—he was married—and we got his number from a cousin. I didn’t have the courage to call my father, as I felt nervous. My friend agreed to talk for me. When he answered the phone, she told him about my mother and about me. She told him I was listening.

“Lady, I don’t know you,” he said.

“But you are her father. She’s your daughter,” my friend said.

“Lady, I don’t know you. Don’t call this number again.”

I hang up the phone.

“Call him again,” my friend said.

“No,” I said, “I’m embarrassed.”

I’ll never know my father. That’s OK.  I’m happy my children have a father they know and a father that loves them. They are my family.
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This is Maggie's (psuedonym) story. If you have a non-fiction story you'd like to share, please read the Share Your Story page.