Strong Enough to Live His Truth


It didn’t cross my mind. There was no pattern—if there should have been one. No, I had no idea. I thought puberty created the feelings of frustration, anxiety, and moodiness I had never seen.

As the body developed—bigger breasts—the shirts got bigger, and wider hips bought on discomfort that triggered the need to wear baggy pants. I used to wear baggy pants around that age, so I thought it was a tomboy thing.

Menstruation came with more anxiety. Then, with no particular style in mind, the long hair had to go.

One day, he said, “I don’t want to be a girl.”  

“OK.” I paused. “So… like… you don’t want your breasts.”

“Yes.”

“I need some time to process this,” I said.

I felt his pain, his frustration and the relief I could see in his eyes after he told me. I had to help him get through this. We went to therapy and everything made sense. Im thankful that life had me in a place where I could receive the information and address it. I cared about his well-being, his happiness.

I’m more aware of what could have happened if he didn’t tell me. Now, younger than the majority of his peers, he’s now in his first year, in university, in another country, and he’s receiving mainly A grades. ​He’s receiving testosterone hormone therapy to match his body to his gender identity.
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I don’t want to come across as a saint, but I’m coping fine. My biggest regret is not being physically there with him, but I might have stifled him if I were there.

I don't necessarily mourn the loss of my daughter. This is more about acceptance. I accept him. I'm happy that I have a child who is strong enough to live his truth.
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(Interview conducted with the parent of a transgender child).

To learn more about this topic, click on the following links.


http://kidshealth.org/parent/general/-

  

39 comments:

  1. Hi and happy Monday to you, dear Peaches! Thank you for presenting a post dealing with the important topic of gender identity and transgenderism. I would like to think that society is gravitating toward greater acceptance of individuals who feel uncomfortable or even trapped in their assigned anatomical sex. Acceptance feels much better than rejection. It feels better to the transgenderist and it feels better to the understanding, compassionate family members, friends and strangers who encounter them.

    Have a great week, dear friend Peaches!

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    1. "Acceptance feels much better than rejection." Yes, and we cannot change what cannot be changed.

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  2. I only imagine how hard and difficult must have been but reading the interview, the parent seems very compassionate and understanding, there is no loss just the awareness of who the daughter really is. Kisses Peaches xo

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  3. I have never met a transgender person. Around here, they would probably stay closeted...very conservative area. I have noticed that the high school students are much more open minded than their parents.

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    1. There is a geneartional gap of ideas and tolerance/acceptance.

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  4. Acceptance and open mindedness sure is key. Sounds like he is now as happy as can be.

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    1. I think I know how it feels to be trapped into something and not being to talk about it.

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  5. That would be a challenge for any mom to deal with. I'm not sure how well I'd handle that if one of my kids this. It certainly would take a lot of open mindedness.

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    1. I've watched politicians swiched beliefs and views about issues when they have had to chose between family and beliefs. Your soul would help you to make the right decision.

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  6. That would be a challenge for any mom to deal with. I'm not sure how well I'd handle that if one of my kids this. It certainly would take a lot of open mindedness.

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  7. She is truly a good and loving mother.

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    1. I guess that's what good mothers do - no judging or rejection - pure acceptance.

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  8. I know a wonderful, wonderful person who has a bit of an 'identity crisis'...
    I suspect it MAY be a transgender issue... I'm not 100% certain. My heart goes out to her.

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    1. You should find out what's causing the identity crisis. I would.

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  9. Touching story. I guess all a parent can really do is give and show support.

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  10. what an amazing parent that is!

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  11. Very poignant story, Peaches...and such an amazing parent.

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  12. Very poignant story, Peaches...and such an amazing parent.

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  13. It's an amazing age we live in where we can literally choose to change our physical gender. I hope my kids can feel comfortable saying things like that to me if they ever feel like that.

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    1. It's good when children can feel OK to express their concerns to their parents.

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  14. I seem to always hear about the transgender child, but seldom how the parents handle their own emotions or how they relate to that child. How well this parent handled the situation.

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    1. Yes, we do not hear much about how the parents feel or we do not get their reactions.

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  15. That parent is awesome. I love how the person handled the situation with a need for understanding and openness.

    Untethered Realms

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  16. Wow. Very powerful stuff. I can only imagine how tough it would be to never quite identify with the gender you were born as.

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    1. Darn, great point you raised. I think about the child.

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  17. My heart really goes out to this mother, and also to her son. It is a good thing that people are sharing their difficult journeys. I've been on a lifelong education process to understand and accept people who are so different from me. Fortunately I have had a lot of interaction with GLBT people, and I am grateful to them for sharing their deeper thoughts and opening my heart and eyes beyond what little I knew. I do know this: No one goes through what this young girl did without a lot of pain and soul searching. Thank God she had a compassionate and loving mother to help her realize her true identity as a male. Thanks for sharing this story, Peaches.

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    1. Being around varied groups of people expose us to the big world of differences where we learn to understand and accept others.

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  18. Hello greetings and good wishes.

    Very touching but inspiring real life story.

    Best wishes

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  19. No matter how you feel about the choices they make, your baby is your baby. Or at least that's how I see it.

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  20. No matter how you feel about the choices they make, your baby is your baby. Or at least that's how I see it.

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  21. Thanks so much, Peaches, have added that link.

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These are our stories. Thank you for your kind comment and laugh as often as you can. Peaches D. Ledwidge, author of Day Laughs Night Cries: Fifteen