"It hurts like hell. Every heart knows its bitterness. My two friends followed me when I got the call. When I entered the hospital, the doctor said, ‘Your son committed suicide.’ At first, I didn’t cry. I was shocked. I said I didn’t want to see anything or hear anything. I was angry. I was mad. That son of a B…. It’s selfish that he didn't think how it would affect me. How could somebody be so selfish? Then I met another friend who said one of the nurses told her ‘some loony jumped from the fourth floor of the hospital's parking lot.’ That’s my son, I said.
"When the Chaplain said I should collect his personal belongings and a guy said, ‘Sorry.” That’s when it hit me. I started to cry. It’s something I have to live with for the rest of my life. I feel sad sometimes. I relive everything when his birthday comes each year. I relive the pain of giving birth to him. I say, Robert, where are you? How could you do this to your family and friends?
"The crying decreases with time. I don’t cry as much anymore, but sporadically I cry. I cry on Sundays when I go to church. It’s not as bad now. The Sunday night he shaved. He looked so good. He had this glow and I said, you should look like this all the time. Monday morning he said he couldn’t sleep. He called 911 and they took him to the hospital. He wanted stronger medication to sleep and they didn’t give it to him. He must have felt that nobody cared. Some people do it intentionally, you know. I ask God to forgive him. Nobody thought Robert would commit suicide."
(This is a mother's side to Suicide - an interview. The pain is real. Talk to someone if you ever feel really sad.)